Punch to the gut. I suppose, why the fuck not? Why do anything? Hey, off-topic, why all the “pre-approved” credit-card offers in the mail, and never just plain-old “approved.” No guts, no glory? A waste of paper, if you ask me.
But back onto the rails of this train ride, train wreck—a reviewer, reviews things. I read books. And as this supposed and self-proclaimed “reviewer,” and simply put, I write up a review of a book I’d chosen to read and then post it—usually on Mr. A’s super-awesome, mega and massive website. And that is just a tiny part of my day.
Who cares about your day, Travis Borne?
A payback? You might say. Because, as you might know, leaving a book review is optional. Yeah, I get it. It takes time, loads. And most don’t do it, but after becoming an author myself, with two published works and another currently riding the gray-noodle express, I really, really get it. And I know it might be a complete waste of time, for some—”My favorite TV show is on!” But I realize fully now, the sheer amount of effort that goes into writing a tale. And I realize, how the system works, or should I say, CUTS. Authors get paid last, if even, at all.
But I ‘m gonna explain, for those reading this and saying, “What’s your deal, dude?” I’ll explain, too, for anyone interested in receiving a “book review” from me. First, I do not take requests. I read what I want. Sometimes it might be one from the big Mr. K (some of you know I’m a big fan of Andy Wier’s, The Martian!) or something from some other famous dude, but most times it’ll be much more refreshing than that. Refreshing? Yep, like riding a cool waterslide, whooshing and sloshing in the icy water, while smiling devilishly, while crazily whirling and whipping carelessly through Hell. Indie works, dudes! What’s more refreshing than that? Reading an indie author’s work, yep, now that’s where it’s at!
Because authors need your fucking support! If, you would be so kind…
The big Mr. A gets his, the editors and the proofreaders, especially the book marketers (marketing: seemingly a black-hole that’ll turn your cash into string-theory!), and the overly timid publishers, who make darn sure, before taking even the tiniest step, they can get their bucks—while the author gets juiced for all he or she is worth. But occasionally it hits—and hopefully the newly minted, successful author will keep paying it forward.
I’m just, paying it forward, in advance, I guess… (say the “I guess,” like Forrest Gump).
But please, don’t ask me to review your work. Really, Travis Borne just has-ta do what he wants to do (I’m reading a novel right now where the perspective, and past and present tense, is all over the place. Keeps me awake though). And now back to first person, here. So, how do you, Mr. Travis Borne, choose your titles, then? I choose the indie titles I want to read, mostly, from those who are the most supportive, those who pay it forward. And if I decide to read your work, I almost always post a 5-star review.
Why, do you post so many good reviews, and not critical ones, then?
Because I’m not a dick! Blunt, just like Herald, AKA Rab, in my novel Lenders. But really, that’s it. And you’ve all seen ’em, those hoity-toity dudes out there who are so helplessly dependent on the system, so inured (hey, who else said something like that?), they think it’s their staunch civic duty to keep Mr. A, and the planet spinning—for themselves!
But not only because I’m not a dick (I’m an asshole, maybe? Though?). I toss many stars around because I shit ’em like a unicorn rainbow shitter. Naw, but really and seriously, I choose to see the best in things. I choose to point out the things I liked, and by doing good, instead of damage, I feel as though I spread around less negativity. We need more of that in the world, don’t ya think? I guess, I just choose to do things this way, my way, because I can. That’s just how I roll.
Some dudes never post a 5-star review. They feel as though they need to save their 5 precious stars for some worldwide magnum opus light raining down from Heaven.
Personally, I don’t like to be such a tight wad. And as I said above, authors really do need the support. And I’m gonna support ’em. Battle the dickwads! Jousting spear! Raaaah! I’m a dude you’ll love or hate, and if you’re an amigo of mine, I’ll go to the ends of the earth for you. I’ll give my support in an unwavering manner. I’ll give you my just-a-human-being’s best, considering there’s only 1,440 minutes in a day, considering I must spend time with my kiddos and my wife (I love my family with all my heart), considering I need a couple of intoxicating hours with my buddies, Ms. Tequila or Mr. Whiskey, time which is spent writing my novels (currently Lenders III), and considering, your support, too.
I support those who support. I love those who support. Wow! This is fabulous. Travis, are you fucking done yet? Shit, man!
Some of you guys know me by now and I’m so happy to have found such a community of artists, authors, readers, reviewers, and all-out decent human beings. (Join the fun on Twitter. We dance a lot there). So, to make this non-pithy blast of shit tighter, I’ll add just a few more things. I love you, guys and gals, and I’m gonna do the best I can, 7 days a week. I’ll be this “reviewer,” for as long as I want to. And I might review your book. And I’ll shoot your review with a Gatling-gun blast of stars. And I will point out what I liked, so those reading my review will hear the best of your work, not the worst. And, because, I have yet to encounter an opus the author, artist, or wondrous word-wrangler, has not poured their heart and soul into. I know what it takes. Perhaps, you, reading this, too knows what it takes.
What kind of freakin’ quantum frivolity led to the development of the Travis Borne brain?
Just my way. Kinda like that, “opinions are assholes, and everyone has one—or maybe two?” thing.
The world will smash, crush, and beat you, and Mr. A will seem to be a friendly ol’ god—but really he’ll juice you for all you’re worth. And so will many others; they’ll get theirs first and foremost, but will you, if you are an author, artist, cool dude, ever get yours. Maybe, but “probably not,” being the real and sad, albeit mordant truth.
But, if you are supportive, if you’re a decent, honest, a say-it-like-it-is kind of dude, even if you blast and curse and drink, and release your demons once in a while in a rant, and if our paths cross, two good and real souls spinning round on this rock around a fireball, I’ll give you my best, pay it forward and any other way I can. I’ll help and support you, during as many of those daily, 1,440 ticks of the clock!
- I’m not mocking anyone here. If you don’t like my style, we’re souls bumping temporarily, nothing more. See ya!
- I, Travis Borne, don’t make money from reviewing books.
- I don’t intend to make money reviewing books, and am not doing it for something in return.
- I choose to review a book because I enjoy doing so. Like any human, though, I love hearing thank you.
- I always pay for the books I read.
- Most of my reviews are 5 stars, because I choose to see the best in an author’s work.
- If a book review gets less than 5 stars, I’ll contact the author first and advise. Going live with the review will be totally up to the author. And I can make suggestions, as to why the work did not make it to 5 stars.
- I’ve yet to read a book where the author, whom I’ve usually met first, didn’t put his or her heart and soul into his or her opus
- I read about one book a week, sometimes one every two if Lenders is currently kicking my ass.
- I hate getting books for free.
- I loathe Kindle’s free-book-promo option. I also loathe bullies.
- I read because I like to, but more so, like 60/40, and to be bluntly honest, because I need to read in order to become a better writer myself.
- Did I already say, “I loathe Kindle’s free-book-promo option?”
- The free-book-promo should be taken outside and shot like a rabid raccoon.
- Give away everything else free, or “just for reviews,” then and only then can we bring Kindle’s free-book-promo option back inside and try to resuscitate it.
- How did I get so far off track? I’m still dry, too.
- Filling the flask now!
And that’s it!
‘write on, dudes! And if you read a book, please support an author. Pretty please!